I have always been "anti-equality."
What does that mean to me?
Well, I am not sure when it started really. It may be as far back as childhood to some degree. It may be a more recent, college, newly married, experienced thought. I am just not sure.
I do know that our experience as houseparents of "under achieving, high potential" (read: troubled) teenagers in the Dominican Republic has changed, reformed or solidified my belief systems.
We had SO MANY parents say things like: "I don't know what happened. We treated all our kids the same and his/her siblings are not on this path to destruction"!!
The program in the DR was centered around a new approach: INDIVIDUALIZED "treatment/care". Go figure, they are individual teens with individual personalities and problems that come from individual backgrounds and have individual paths in life.
In general, America is a very Individualistic country.
We tend to think as one person, separate from everyone else. This is why I think equality is so strange in America.
Most countries are more "community", communal. Villages are held together by the bond they share as a family or group of families. Villages are held together by the common good and the common crops and the common beliefs and the common "religion".
In America, we all want to be Different and at the same time we all want to be "just like our group of friends". Yet our parents and extended families "treat us the same" as the other sibling/cousins, and expect our lives to turn out "the same".
My goal is not to "fuss". But to figure out how to be a "better parent" to each of my INDIVIDUAL children.
My equality issues have been on my mind during this holiday break as I have interacted with my children in different settings. Mackenzie (MJ) is in 2nd grade, learning to read and to be independent, 8 1/2 years old and a FEMALE. Luke is in Kinder and learning to argue the finer points of details and pretends he can read. He is almost 6 (aaaahhhh!) and all BOY. Mason (MW) is all of barely 2 and speaks very clearly what he does and does not want, in complete sentences and mostly complete thoughts. And all BOY.
Now, I know the two older ones are "different gender" so that makes things different for me. But, *"?does an 8 yo girl and a 5 yo boy need to eat the same quantity of the same foods?"
*"Is it possible for one to need a snack to simply 'survive' the day? and a snack would 'ruin' dinner for the other one?"
*"Is it not obvious that the little guy needs different 'amounts' of Christmas candy than the other older two?" *"does one need a nap? the other a 'rest'? and the other 'alone-time'?"
*"does one need allergy medicine or glasses or antibiotics or more rest or less quiet time...?"
How can we treat our children "the same"? and get different outcomes.
Now, men and women.
Did God make men and women equal? and by "equal" what does that really mean?
Should women get paid the same as men for doing the same work?
Is it possible for women to sustain the same level of Physical labor as a man?
What was God's plan when he made us Man and Woman? If we were the same, then why would we need each other?
It is our responsibility as parents to learn what EACH child needs and then apply it to the relationship. MJ NEEDS quiet time (alone time). She gets overwhelmed and begins to "crisis". Alone-time is the "medicine" for this. Luke is always ready to play with someone, however, if he does not get a few (15) minutes of "downtime" in the day, by evening he is "crabby". We are still working on figuring out Mason but he does have a very good "nap" or "crib time, lights out" during the middle of the day. Too much TV makes them all "lethargic". And a firm "go play" (as in leave me out of it), is very easy for MJ and very difficult for L.
(he is learning.)
I need my alone time. (Like alone, w/o kids too. This does not happen often). My hubby needs to "talk it out". (about everything...drives me nuts).
I don't mind stepping over the toys in the hallway. Jeremy steps ON them. I Require many hours of consecutive sleep. Hubby can 'run' on just a few.
Just like we MUST learn what we, as parents/people, NEED to function, so too we must learn what our children need for them to grow up to be the persons God intended them to be.
What makes you "tick"? What do you need to survive the stresses of daily life?
What is your "hobby", your "get away"?
Now, what makes each one of your special children "tick"? What do they need to survive the stresses of family/school/siblings life? What is it that they need from you as a parent? and more than just that, what does each one need from EACH parent? (cuz they don't need the same things from both of ya!)
Wow, did I go on and on? Don't answer that!
January 2011
